Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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