I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
