You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
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I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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