the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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