I wish my penis had an off switch
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
