My underwear smells like fireworks.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
