Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
