How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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