i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
