Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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