This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
3 2 1 whiskey
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
