What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
