The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
