Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
