he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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