In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
