Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
