Plan B is the new Plan A
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
he thought i was a dude.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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