if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Nicole vs. Life
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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