my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
