I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
