I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
