chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
