i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
