HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
