Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
