90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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