if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
