NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
