You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
