nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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