she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
