i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
