Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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