It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
