I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
