He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
