Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
