i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
