The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
