I look better un-naked...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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