Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
