so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Come share oat with me in your robe
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
