I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
