The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
