She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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