i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
