i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I supernannyed him into submission
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
