id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
