I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
