he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
