i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I die, sorry about rent.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
