My first STD was from a foam party
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
