They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
