Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
