i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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