Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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