i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
All I want is dick and wine.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
