I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
