His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dignity is for republicans.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
