Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
